About Me: Part 2- The teaching years that almost broke me

I thought I found my dream team. I was teaching first grade which was a dream grade for me. I had done my student teaching in first grade and was happy to be back! Little did I know what was in store for me.

The school year started out great. I was with my dream team! I had a difficult class, but they were so loving and caring and had so much potential. I was in my third year and I felt like I knew what I was doing and I was ready to grow and push myself. A couple months of being at what I thought was my dream school and dream grade! A couple months in my team I went to a training that changed everything.

Now, my principal wasn’t known for being the warmest but I never had a problem with her. We had a training for all of our team was to meet and go over daily five strategies. I had a class that had trouble managing and I am a firm believer that you need to meet your kids where they’re at. That sometimes means that my class won’t look like the teachers next-door and that’s okay. But my principal didn’t think so.

It’s interesting how one word or one question can change your path. During our training, I had asked a question about how I can meet my students where they’re at and change daily five to meet their needs. I had said that what was being stated wasn’t working for my kids and I wanted to find a way to make it so it developmentally met them where they were at. That for me meant taking daily five and changing it a bit. It meant for my principal that I was incapable, and I was challenging her in what she wanted. That question was the question that made my life living nightmare for the next two years.

I have never in my life, been treated as poorly as I was treated After that training. No spare you all the long stories, but to get a glimpse of what type of person my principal was, was after the training she made a rude comment and asked me to meet her. So I did what was asked made a meeting time with her. She arrived late to my classroom and berated me for the time me chosen (the open time SHE had on her calendar). She sat down and asked me how I was feeling and I was opening up to tell her the truth. But the truth is hard to get out when you can my finish a sentence before your interrupted and berated over and over. To end our conversation she said, “ Well maybe you aren’t cut out for this job.”

To say I was upset, would be an understatement. I have always taken pride in my job. I was passionate and (not to toot my horn) I was good at it too. And I was willing to grow and learn because I LOVED teaching! For the next two years I was berated and treated as if I was stupid and incapable. But she wants the only one. When one person of power starts to question and berate everything you do (whether deserved or in this case- not) people start to follow suit. Not intentionally, but it’s always there in the back. Questioning everything I do, as if they are looking for some truth to what was said. I had to prove myself to people that said they supported me. Every day. And it became exhausting. All because of one question and a person of power who hid behind their incompetence and made it look like mine.

After two year of berating and even being treated like I literally did not exist, I was tapped out. I didn’t leave because that was what she wanted and I was stubborn. Honestly, I should have. I think to myself, ” Maybe I would still be teaching if I had?” But then I wouldn’t be here.

Fast forward to my third year at the school. We had a new principal (thank goodness!) and my husband and I were about to welcome our rainbow baby! October 7 was the day that changed everything for me. I had just given birth to my sweet baby girl I was able to take a maternity leave for the first six months of her life and I am so grateful for that time. That time, give me a chance to reflect and see if I was still passionate about teaching by giving me a break to reset. The moment I went back, I realized this is not the anymore. I still loved teaching, but I loved being with my child. I finished my third year and headed into summer ecstatic because I got to spend time with my baby girl.

My fourth year at the school came around and I thought this could this could be my year where everything changes and everything in the past had been forgotten. But I was wrong. It turns out once the seed is put in someone’s head, it doesn’t go away. Every day I felt I still needed to prove myself even with a new principal. I was going through the motions and that’s not how I wanted to teach. We had gotten a new curriculum and all I felt that I did every day was shove down children’s throats. I felt stuck until my husband got an opportunity that would require us to move to a different city. That meant for me that my dreams of being a staying at home mom could come true! We took the leap of faith, my husband took the job, we sold our house and moved.

I was now on my stayed at home mom era and I was thriving! I got to spend every day with my baby girl and visit my husband at his job when we could. As the months passed by, I realized that I didn’t miss the situation I but I actually missed teaching. Actual teaching. I have always loved teaching kids to read and seeing the spark in their eyes when they realize they are capable. I was missing that magic so I got to thinking, “How can I bring that within my home?” After months of conversation conversations with my husband the idea of a homeschool website came about.

Que the birth of Prairie and Pencil! Check out Part 3!